Tatl says the next destination should be the ocean dungeon to the east. This is blocked by a fence, which Tatl says Link could jump if he had a horse before having the decency to remember why he doesn’t have a horse. Except Link and Tatl know where the horse is, so it’s time to find a way to convince Cremia and Romani to give her back. There’s a goron in the town shop who sells powder kegs, so Link can blow up the giant boulder blocking Romani Ranch. The man who was hacking at it is annoyed at Link’s intervention, because he doesn’t get to spend two days of back-breaking labor hacking a path through the rock, but decides as long as the path is clear, he’s cool with it. When Link arrives at the ranch, whatever happened to Romani hasn’t yet, and she’s practicing archery near the barn.
Romani explains why she’s training: every year as the festival approaches in Clock Town, aliens (the game calls them ghosts, and they look like poes, but it’s aliens) come to the ranch and steal the cows. This is so out of nowhere that it’s hard not to laugh, but two things make this sidequest work. First, we know the consequences if Link fails. The aliens do something to Romani that leaves her an empty shell, and her sister blames herself for what happened. Second, although it’s ridiculous, it’s played completely straight, so it can be taken seriously. After Link does a quick round of riding the horse around the ranch popping balloons to prove he’s an able helper, Romani teaches him Epona’s song, allowing him to summon Epona (I guess it is her!) from anywhere. She tells him to be back by 2:00 for the alien fight.
There’s a lot of time left before then, so Link and Epona leave the ranch to go exploring. The first stop is the Gorman Brothers’ race track, just off the Milk Road. They make fun of Epona and challenge Link to a race. To be honest, they’re not terribly good at racing, but the one thing they do really well is get in Link’s way. If he’s not way ahead coming over the final obstacles, one brother charges in out of nowhere at an angle that can only be meant to block Link’s progress while his brother sweeps out to the lead. With the bank maxed out and the takkuri right there, the money’s not an issue, but it’s frustrating to come so close and lose and have to do it again. When Link finally beats them, they try to figure out what to give him and eventually settle on a mask.
I’ve still got a lot of time, so let’s go to the ocean and look around. There’s actually not much here; it says don’t swim out to the building, but nothing stops Link if he does, so he can get out there and thwack an owl statue, shoot down Tingle and wish for ear plugs and buy maps, and visit the laboratory inside where the scientist is concerned about a late delivery of zora eggs. Up to the north there’s mentions of a pirate fortress.
I’m probably not going to make it to the dungeon this cycle anyway, so I decide to let the pirate fortress wait for another cycle and see what lies to the east. There are some fences Epona can jump over, but then a giant cliff bars the way. There’s some interesting stuff here: a guard who can only be seen with the Lens of Truth and needs healing, and the graveyard is apparently watched over by a giant sleeping stalfos. Link wakes up the stalfos and chases him down, which makes the stalfos surrender and leave command of his followers to Link. Each night, Link can approach groups of stalfos in the graveyard, open a grave, complete a puzzle, fight a miniboss, and get a reward. The first day’s miniboss is an iron knuckle, which probably means I’m not supposed to be out here yet because fighting that on 11 hearts is mean. After it’s dead, Flat, one of the royal composer ghosts, comes to Link. He says Sharp sold his soul to the devil, and teaches Link a song that represents his anger and sadness over the betrayal, the Song of Storms.
Okay, now it’s time for Link to put on his black suit and go back to the ranch. I don’t know why the game had Link practice alien hunting with Epona, because it’s frankly easier to put on the bunny hood, follow the dog around on foot, kill all the aliens Link can see, and hold out until the break of dawn. Dawn comes, the aliens all poof, and Romani calls him “little hero” and gives him a bottle of milk, then sneaks back to the house to go to bed before Cremia catches her. Cremia’s making a milk run to Clock Town that night, and invites Link to come along. It’s a good thing he does, because the Gorman Brothers put a fence in her way, forcing her to take less safe paths to town, and then ride after her wagon trying to break her jars of milk. Link keeps them at bay enough to stop all the milk from being destroyed, and Cremia rewards him with a mask that lets him visit the milk bar in town. There doesn’t seem to be much interesting here just yet, but Link can buy a special milk that will leave his magic meter maxed out until he resets time.
Now it’s back to the graveyard, stopping en route to heal the invisible guard and receive his mask. The second night’s puzzle involves the Lens of Truth, and after another iron knuckle fight, Link gets a heart piece. The third night Link helps Dampé summon a poe. This puzzle is terrible, because Dampé is so goddamn stupid. Okay, I get he can only follow the light of the fairy. But if I lose Z-targeting on him, does he keep going the way he was? Stop until Tatl comes back? No, of course not. He wanders off in a “random” direction which always seems to be opposite the way Link was trying to drag him. Oh, and there’s a wall master, and if it catches Link, it resets the puzzle. Summoning and killing the poe rewards a bottle, which is nice.
And then it’s reboot time.
Next: Trespassing on their private pirate property.
